Lately, I’ve been up and about around 3 in the morning to do some work, so I have a cup of green tea and a peanut butter sandwich to stay alert (until I feel sleepy, then I go back to bed).
Around this time, the whole place is quiet, and I get to think and focus on my writing without the usual sound of hammering and drilling from the construction work going on, and the boosting of engines from vehicles plying the routes in this area, during the day.
Accompanied by my thoughts and feelings, I’ve realized how this pandemic changed the world and a whole lot of people. The recent death toll reached a million mark, economies spiralled downwards, people across the world suffered from the loss of livelihoods and loved ones, more people became hungry as each day passed, and governments tried to mitigate the impact with less than satisfactory results. In the past few months, uncertainties and anxieties grew and spread all over the place.
These have affected me, and surely, most people that I know. As strong and courageous as I am in facing and overcoming any challenges that life has thrown at me, the pandemic is creating an imbalance within the space that I built where only peace and joy can thrive supposedly. When I thought that work can take my mind off the negativity and uncertainty that this situation brings, these past few days have become soul-wrenching moments when I want to embrace the family that I have in Bacolod and in Bulacan, but traveling to them might not be ideal, and trips have become risky, healthwise. All I know is, I have been truthful to the promptings of my heart, and I listen to it, especially in moments of crisis such as this.
Yes, I am grateful that I still have work, but I feel terrible for those who have lost theirs. I am thankful that I still have my health and my life, but I grieve with those who have lost their loved ones and are battling the disease. I am happy to know that the members of my family are safe and healthy, but I become sad whenever I see gloomy faces and eyes that have lost their sparkle. I have cried on some nights for those lost moments when love for family and friends might have been celebrated, and tears have fallen for missed opportunities when I can truly feel alive and human again.
Moreover, this pandemic has rendered the world dehumanized, indeed, as gadgets and devices have become the only way to reach out and communicate. Hugging and kissing have become prohibited. Laughing and singing are no longer the normal ways to have fun because they might make us sick. Meeting up with friends and colleagues has turned into a battlefield where facial gears need to be worn and disinfectants are in hand to use any time it gets uncomfortable.
These and many more of similar situations render me fearful for I don’t want to lose my humanity. I love living and loving. I cherish every moment that I breathe, love, laugh, cry, get excited, infatuated, rejected, betrayed, get angry or annoyed, frustrated, and feel the full spectrum of emotions that make me human.
That is why, I need to survive this pandemic. We all do. At the end of this health crisis, life will be different, and you and I might need to restart it for a fresher and healthier outlook, and more humane behaviors. We might become better at treating each other and the world. We might love more and live joyfully because we have known sorrow, death, suffering, and hardships. We have also shown compassion and cared for those who have been gravely affected by this pandemic. These humanitarian actuations might be the beginning of a better society for us.
However, let us not forget that we also need to change the systems and the leaders that have let us down. Let us not give them an opportunity to be a part of the world and the societies that we are going to rebuild when this crisis is over. You know what I mean. 😉
