Love and Light: A Memoir

 Love and Light: A Memoir on Empowerment and Enlightenment

My name means "love and light." I've realized why I had to go through and continue to go through purification on my journey. I realized at a young age that I could only achieve empowerment and enlightenment, which I referred to as love and light if I accepted the dark and painful, sometimes seemingly desperate, experiences. Through these years, I was able to grow and mature in a joyful manner because of this mindset. My consciousness was never filled with bitterness, resentment, or regret.

As far as I can recall, this fascinating journey into love and light began when I was four years old, the age when I lost my mother to cancer and my father to his second marriage two years later. Losing both parents at such a young age was excruciatingly painful and difficult, but it provided me with the power and strength to overcome setbacks and negativity. I carried these with me as I progressed through life, from one stage to the next, from one location to the next. My heart and mind were transformed by the affection and care of my relatives in Bacolod City from the moment my mother died until I was ten, up until the guardianship of my stepmother in Plaridel, Bulacan during my pre and early teenage years, and finally, my father's homecoming from working abroad that gave me the love and guidance during my early adult life transformed my heart and mind into the empowered and enlightened human being that I am now. (The manuscript is currently being written.)

Persephone Undone

 Persephone Undone

Of the most unimaginable pain

that she saw in others,

she felt them more deeply.

Of the most tender of love

that she showed,

she cherished the ones

that tormented her soul.

For through all those

she sank to the depths of hell.

But she rose like foam

from the sea. Triumphantly!

She, then, relished

the bliss of heaven

while she remained unfazed

by the demons and shadows

that incessantly haunted her.

Emerging from Tartarus,

she carried her own Light.

This was the source, the entity

that paved her path.

For where there was darkness,

from its pit sprang

an aurora, a luminescence

a blinding brightness

that inundated the horrors.

No beast ever dared touch her!

Not even Hades, a god!

For though she had gentleness-

in her spirit and in her heart,

she learned to sharpen her spear,

and her aegis, she proceeded to glaze.

Our Story

 Dear young (and not-so-young) ones:

Let me tell you something. I think I may have found the connection between the Ubarras and the de la Cruzes in Capiz. When I first came here, I had the opportunity to speak to one of the writers who told me about the DLCs of Capiz, the place where your great grandfather originated. Your Tito Nap and I have been planning for the longest time to go there but due to this pandemic, our plans were put on hold until it's all right for him to come from the US and join me here. 

You have to know that when we were growing up, there were stories shared around the dinner tables during family reunions about how our forefathers (and foremothers, although they were not given the major roles in the stories) fought the Spanish forces, most often with street-smart wisdom and tactics, to defend their homes and their freedoms. (There's a story/play about a revolution here in Panay that I'm still trying to search so that I could share it with you. I was told that one of the key players was a de la Cruz.)

Moving on to a not-so-distant past, your great lolo Antipas (with a new surname: Ubarra?) moved to Negros where he met your great lola Expectation Trasmonte and formed a family there. Such chaotic times they lived through that during the Japanese invasion of Negros, they hid in Hinigaran, at the "punong" (fishpond) that you know now, and survived the war by cutting off the living area and surrounded it with dead trees and bushes that the Japanese planes and soldiers were not able to see and penetrate. There were also stories of your great uncles who fought off "aswangs" (ghouls) while they were going home to the house at the "punong" after having their own travels and adventures. 

These stories have been with us ever since we became aware of the family saying "salumon ang wasay" or "pangitaon ang wasay" (dive or search for the axe), which at that time, we had no idea what it meant. However, as we grew older, we began to understand that it was to look out for each other and to take care of each other no matter what. 

So, my dear nieces and nephews, and younger cousins who didn't hear the stories from our lolos, lolas, uncles, and aunts, let me assure you that our story continues. We have to go to Capiz still and talk to our long-lost family. 

In the meantime, let's unite. We may have differences in our political outlooks, but somewhere deep down, our main goal is to be bigger than ourselves and work for the whole nation, for the entire Filipinos who are now suffering from bad governance. Padayon! 🥰

Love always, 

Tita/Mimi

Befriending Death

 Befriending Death

Death is no longer a stranger to us.

We've known it since and

it's been with us all our lives. 

We know its pain, the hollowest 

and the emptiest state of our soul

that it causes for a very long time.

But nothing can ever prepare us

for losing yet again someone, 

a beloved person, whose kindness

allowed us to overcome our own grief

over the passing of our parents,

our siblings, our spouses, and our friends.

This kind of grief is all too familiar

and how we wish we can embrace them tightly

to banish that painful emotion from their loss.

We want to cradle their heads while they cry

and to assure them of our love and sympathy.

From afar, we join their mourning and sorrow.

Death, indeed, has a way of snatching 

the deepest joy with our beloved.

We know the feeling too well

of losing someone --

our heart is being ripped out.

So, our dears, we fully understand

their heartbreak and their anguish.

We offer them our deepest compassion,

prayers, and words of comfort.

For though we are not with them, 

our love binds us together. Forever.

Hope

 Pink is the color of HOPE

for a people that has been languishing

under the fascist regime of a cold-hearted 

leader and his cabal of clowns and the corrupt

for a nation that has seen the collapse of democracy

and the rule of law where killings made the 

headlines but cold-shouldered by the perpetrators

for a country known for its pride and honor

of its heroes and heroines, 

its history and heritage of freedom 

that's been trampled over and over

by dictators and pretend-leaders

with the red for a revisionist

the green to perpetuate the killings

and the yellow with its old politics

the dawning of hope has come

in an unexpectedly gentle hue

it's not red nor yellow nor green

it comes in a color so tender and right

that the people can hold on to

at last, pink has become the symbol~

of hope, of change, of trust.

My Sunrise

 My Sunrise

she of the free spirit wandered about

with pixie dust sprinkled along her paths

her exploits and feats unfurled in every wave

uncustomary though it seemed

she accessed the gifts of youth

and harnessed its realms of impossibilities

turned them into a reimagined never neverland

warped by time, her innocence vanished

with mind and eyes free and wide

they ushered in acceptance and awakening

from the fantasies and childlike dreams

with her spirit, still free yet pacified, no longer restive

she shed the enchanting realms of springtide

to cherish the unfolding of her womanity

perhaps she ceased to believe in magic ~

"it is only

the gay

the innocent

the heartless

who can fly".

Shifting Sands

 Shifting Sands 

look at the golden grains in the desert

they keep shifting as the wind blows

scattered about they revel in the sunlight

and show off their own lightness

they venture into the vastness

traversing the dunes and hollow holes

sleekness seems to describe them

yet they enter into every nook and cranny

persistent and unstoppable

while the constant shifting 

makes them all unpredictable and precarious 

they do not lose their golden hues

each grain still shines for the travelers,

the dwellers, and the adventurers

all golden, eternally shifting

yet gloriously ethereal.  

📸 2013 - desert  4x4 exploration on a cool day

My Moonlight

 

My Moonlight

That tiny speck of light that dots the dark skies

reminds him of the brilliance that she radiates -

ever luminous and shimmering even on gloomy days

like the moon that appears when its time has come

with her magnificent glow, she enthralls his senses

lights his path, obliges his wanderings, rescinds his sorrows

as she hangs way up above, alone in her splendor

he, at last, launches his praises, his ardor

and, for some time, they ignite in each other

that celestial adulation that's too sublime to know

for in their hearts, time will change that moment

as they abide by the tides that it brings.

My Sunset

 

That perfect beach sunset was not the last one for them

as it steadily reminded her of that smile

like he was truly pleased to be there

one time, she caught him gazing into the distance

while a deep frown formed on his forehead

that prompted questions she never dared to ask

what troubling thoughts were revealed on that sweet face?

it haunted her heart if she made him sad

when he beheld her, he found her in tears

that streamed down her cheeks as if endlessly

he, with long strides, dashed to embrace her

and ensured that their world would never crumble

in his own, it exploded into bits and pieces

when he knew that he made her sad

they took hold of each other and they'd never stop

like the gloaming as if dark yet rises early bright

with its gleaming, breathtaking, infinite phases.

My Sunrise

Perhaps, this is one of the stunning and wondrous photos that I took when on the way to Siem Reap, Cambodia (on a 9-hour or so flight from Oman) I woke up to this view of the sunrise sandwiched between the fields of clouds.

Traveling to other countries and preserving the memories have kept me grounded. For five years, I explored different places (which in the socio-economic spectrum range from modern and affluent to backward and unstable) that allowed me to meet people who shared their ways of life. Humbled and honored to have done such a feat, my spirit grew and matured, my mind opened, and my heart expanded to welcome both joy and sadness as a normal part of living.

From those travels, I discovered that people of different races and beliefs aspire for the same things: to love and be loved, to live happily with their loved ones, and to reach old age gracefully without the cruelties and unnecessary sufferings that are deliberately dumped on them. After all, we have one humanity. What truly separates us from others is indifference. But once we hear other people's peals of laughter and listen to stories that are told in their voices, that indifference disappears.

The world is beautiful and people are basically good. Once we realize this, we can open up the borders and topple the walls that divide the rich and the poor. When we recognize our own goodness, there is no room for greed and hatred that make us go to wars or kill each other.

So, every time I come face to face with challenges, I tend to go back to those times when I overcame the difficulties and experiences that normally accompanied such journeys, and I embrace the thought that nothing could break my spirit anymore. Pettiness and small minds no longer interest me. Feelings of jealousy, envy, and malice have no place in my heart. I experienced loss and sorrow, but those have emboldened me to value life even more. After that journey, I only wanted to have a good life that allows me to help in my own little ways; to love unconditionally and tremendously: to be kind to myself and to others without agenda; and to show compassion to people who are striving to know and overcome themselves as well.

Praying for this pandemic to end so that I can explore places again is foremost on my mind. I want to continue to be awed and inspired by the wonders of Creation. But, of course, when this virus disappears, and it will, we can all go back to our lives, and hopefully, with a newfound sense of joy and connection to the essential meaning of life.

50 Lessons that Life Taught Me

 50 Lessons that Life Taught Me

As I count the days before I reach my golden years (April 2022 to be exact), I've gathered my thoughts during this pandemic to manifest extreme gratitude for the life that has been gifted to me. Here are the first 50 salient realizations. More will be added as I journey along. 💖

1. Faith and prayers are as important as breathing. They are weapons in overcoming any challenge and in nurturing a gentle spirit amid difficulties.

2. Kindness to your self and to others makes life light and pleasant.

3. The love of self and of family allows space for mistakes and their acceptance as learning curves for personal growth.

4. Being Filipino is to serve the country and the people in any capacity.

5. Friends from different age groups provide happiness and learnings that create a balanced view of life.

6. Work is important for well-being. It creates an environment for service as well as a venue to enhance skills and talents.

7. There is no need to prove yourself to others.

8. Never ever take things personally. Other people are also struggling and searching for themselves.

9. Reach out to those who need your presence and your compassion.

10. Starve your feelings of envy, jealousy, and insecurity. Instead, transform them into productivity and compassion.

11. Being alone does not need to be difficult. Your alone time is an opportunity to know your self deeply. Embrace it because not everyone is given this chance.

12. Loving a man does not mean that you need to give up your independence. It only means to enrich your relationship by sharing a life with him who can join your adventures and create stories together.

13. Helping family members to finish their studies does not mean incapacitating them or removing their ability to be self-sufficient. It only means that you want them to succeed on their own after helping them.

14. Life is full of challenges and surprises. Overcome and accept them as part of your growth.

15. Asking for help from others is okay.

16. Reconnecting with friends after 20 or more years is good for your soul.

17. Laughter is, indeed, the best medicine for your weary mind and body.

18. Pamper your self often. Go to the spa and have a massage.

19. Adopt a growth mindset. Every difficulty, problem, setback, and criticism is an opportunity for self-improvement.

20. Perfectionism is an illusion. Make mistakes. Learn from them. Move forward.

21. Compassion is the root of all the goodness in this world.

22. Travel. Meet new people. Enjoy the places. Have stories and adventures to tell.

23. Write about everything. Be curious and discover the answers.

24. There are times when you get lonely. Embrace your loneliness and develop an inner life through it.

25. Generosity is not always about material stuff. The smiles of those who receive your gift are enough.

26. There is so much love to be had in the world from the smiles and laughter of children.

27. Time is irrelevant when you are having fun.

28. Being kind to those who are unkind to you makes this world a better place.

29. Asking questions should not be that scary.

30. Other people's rudeness reflects their state of mind and heart.

31. Being single has its benefits. For one, you don't need to clean up other people's mess. Haha.

32. Drama is only for the movies. A peaceful life is what you need.

33. Choose people who choose to be around. Forcing others to like you is a futile exercise.

34. Live your own life. Let others live theirs without judgment.

35. Honor your rest time. Set aside your laptop or your phone and be with nature as much as possible.

36. Treat everyone equally and respectfully. No exceptions.

37. Don't hoard stuff. Collect memories. The happy ones will get you through the hard times.

38. Stay in contact with the people who add value to your life. They are the ones who nourish your soul and add joy to your days.

39. Cook your own food and enjoy it. There's nothing like knowing which herbs and spices to use to make it taste heavenly.

40. Live a minimalist life. Having a few stuff to clean and arrange lets you go out and have adventures.

41. Don't let your own limitations hinder you from achieving your goals and dreams. Nothing is impossible.

42. Be a mentor. Allow others to grow and develop their potentials with your guidance and help.

43. Sleep for 7 to 8 hours a day. Missing sleep robs you of your well-being.

44. Listen to your heart, not other people's opinions.

45. Read and learn. They are lifelong activities that reward you endlessly.

46. Being a good friend means being a "no matter what" friend.

47. Live without regrets. Life experiences make you wiser.

48. No one is ever alone. You have yourself to enjoy and appreciate life with.

49. Age is just a number. What matters is the youthfulness of the mind and the spirit.

50. Never harm anyone or any creature. They are nature's manifestation of the wonders of creation.